just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
