Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
