she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
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someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
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We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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