I'm so fucking centered right now
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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