Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
