direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
