Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
