I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
