i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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