got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
