Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
