he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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