Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
