I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize