we have officially lost it.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
