the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
