There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
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Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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