I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
