Little spoons don't ask big questions
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
