OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
