I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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