she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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