Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Randomize
