apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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