I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
