normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
