I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
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