i was rollin on her like bob the builder
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
