After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
