There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
