i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
