you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize