afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
