My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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