Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
