update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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