We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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