tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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