I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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