the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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