How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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