The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
