Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
