I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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