but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
