How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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