she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
