it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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