My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
pop tarts are not kleenex
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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