Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
