Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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