i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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