so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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