I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
