whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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