your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
