on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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