$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
