TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
