with your own penis?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
