Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
