if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
