Yo dont text me then not text me
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
