I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
