Whoa Z and x make the same sound
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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