Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
we're so committed to being not committed
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
