wakey wakey hands off snakey
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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