she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
