Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
