Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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