Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
