i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
