the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
