I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
