just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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