It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
