I wish you could order shots online.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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